PUBLIC SPEAKING TIPS

Learning the Language

If body language doesn’t match words, it makes us feel uncomfortable even if we can’t identify why. Dr Desmond Morris, the world-famous animal and people watcher, calls these incongruities ‘non-verbal leakage’, the failure of our social ‘mask’, and being able to spot them can help us to make much more sense of our interactions.

Watching other people’s body language can also help your own self-image. ‘The main problem when people are insecure or lack self-esteem is that they imagine everyone else is secure,’ he says. ‘If you spot the tricks someone is using to intimidate you, they seem less threatening.’

So body language tactics are not to hide these signs of tension, but to gain mastery and confidence over the environment, to spot when others are being threatening or belittling, and take counter-measures.
‘If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s going to show. You can only fake it to an extent,’ says psychologist Dr David Lewis, who teaches people how to use body language tactics to think themselves into a more confident manner.

Walk Tall

Anyone who’s ever tried to change the way they move, say from being round-shouldered, knows that it takes a great deal of concentration – for a while. It can soon become as much of a habit as a slouched posture. And walking tall increases and creates confidence. Another useful ploy to boost confidence before a tricky encounter is to look up at the sky or ceiling (if you are alone, stretch your arms up as well), then put your chin horizontal and lower your gaze, but keep your eyes and eyebrows in the same position. This simple change of facial posture can make you look, and feel, many times more confident.

‘Echoes’ of Friendship

Consider how you feel with true friends. There is a sense of relaxation, of freedom from the tension, power plays and uncertainty experienced during encounters with strangers. The key here is that you are of equal status. Among friends, there is a similarity of posture and a mimicry of movement, known as postural echo. It carries the message ‘I am like you’, making friends ‘feel right’ together. Popular people seem to have a natural ability with postural echo, and it is often used by successful salespeople. The synchrony is missing in people with serious mental disturbances, and many normal people have poor postural echo. Perhaps because their parents were undemonstrative or unloving, they seem never to have absorbed the unconscious signals of co-operative movement. As the echo goes, so does the sense of rapport, and they themselves may find it difficult to make friends.

Minding your Language        

People signal feeling and intent in body language. Jabbing a raised finger in conversation means power or anger. Turning the head, or crossing legs away from someone you’re talking to – however animatedly – shows you don’t want to be so involved.  Other ‘barrier signals’, like folded arms, may reveal a person’s hostility or insecurity. Submission gestures like nodding and bowing are ritualized socially. We all start to edge away slightly, or sit forward in our chair, when we’re too polite to say ‘I’d like to leave’, and most people will take the hint. Those who don’t are likely to be labeled as monopolizing bores.

Lies and Body Language

A whole new world opens up if you’re aware of contradictory signals. If a friend who seems to be listening raptly is tapping her toes as well, change the subject – she’s bored. No matter how charming the boss is being, those aggressive little foot kicks probably mean you’ll not be given a pay rise. After a lovely evening, the man of your dreams says he’ll call soon, but he isn’t looking at you and his arms are folded – don’t bother to wait by the phone.

Safe Space

The way we dominate space is an extension of body language. The more expansive we are, the more powerful, from the hands-behind-head, feet-on-desk pose, to the positioning of towels on a beach or books on the table. Furniture is often used to dominate, like the common ploy of forcing a visitor into a lowly position in the guise of having the most comfortable, squishy armchair. Encroachments into stranger’s territory, like placing your bag firmly on their desk or putting your coffee cup down near to theirs, make them nervous and increase your dominance in an encounter.

Close Encounters

The first four minutes of any encounter are critical, Dr Lewis says. When two people meeting make eye contact, both raise and lower their eyebrows in a flash greeting, which is known by experts as the ‘eyebrow flash’. This may signal ‘hello’, a query, approval, thanks, agreement, flirtation, emphasis or occasionally disapproval. During a conversation, direct gaze is needed for contact and to convey good intent, but it can also be threatening. Intense staring occurs at the heights of both intimacy and aggression. On the other hand, too short a gaze implies disinterest.